someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
