yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I enjoy the company of your penis
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
