Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
