He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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