totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
