1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
