It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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