I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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