Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
