Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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