I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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