So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
