I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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