it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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