woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
