My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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