why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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