How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
