Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
