Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Enjoy the penises
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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