Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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