you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
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He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
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Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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