just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
