1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
