Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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