I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Shame - the story of my life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
