i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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