That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
