Slut skills are useful in every country.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
They took my balls.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
