wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
