i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
