we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize