Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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