Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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