Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
