Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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