it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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