you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
