rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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