I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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