Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
4 words: hood of his car
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
