How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm at about main and main street
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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