i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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