i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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