hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
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it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
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An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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