I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
