PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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