do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
