i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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