Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
