We won't sleep together?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
