i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
