Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
