this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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