Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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