Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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