It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
