I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
