I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
