wrigley field is MILF paradise
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
