I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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