A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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