Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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