dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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