Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize