we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
