how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
