shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
