Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You need Xanax blowdarts
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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