They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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