Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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