I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
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you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
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I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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