He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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