Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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