he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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