You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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