Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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