idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
