he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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