At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
