I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
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you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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