I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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