well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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